A painful decision
by Anemosys
Summary: Really sad. When you have to join your ennemy against your will...Harry is not the same anymore...What happened? *Dark Harry fic!* Read and review, plz!!
1. Prologue

A painful decision

Author's note : Well, this is the translation of my fanfiction 'Une douloureuse décision', you can go to read the French version if you want. Excuse me for the mistakes, I'm not that good in English…lol

Disclaimer: The characters belongs to JK Rowling.

**Prologue: **

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'I'd like so much 

_If all that was only a nightmare,_

_If all could begin again,_

_To go back to the old good time,_

_To regain my friends,_

This is my dream…' 

I don't know if I took the right decision this night. According to their looks, their expressions, I guess it wasn't. But how can they know?! What I did, I did it just for THEM!

I can still remember their looks, surprised or rather shocked. They thought I was getting insane. Or else, I was under the Imperius.

But no, dear friends, I knew very well what I was doing. For the first time, everything was extremely clear in my mind. Unfortunately for them…

Suddenly realizing, their stuns looks were now furious. They thought I had betrayed them. It was so naïve…

Why didn't they understand?

My God, it hurts so much to see their faces! It was just like if they've plant a knife right in my heart…It would have had the same effect…But I was resigned…

Why does my heart tight again to this memory? It is the past now, I have to forget that…

The fateful words I said come suddenly back to my mind:

"Lord Voldemort, I am joining you."

Well, this single sentence cost my life…Or rather my soul, because I'm still alive…

But how, me, Harry Potter, 'The boy who lived', Voldemort's worst enemy, could have said such words?! I still don't believe it, despite the facts…

All that seems so far away…

How did I come to this point?

At my state, I should as well confide myself to someone. Or at least, to something.

Here, my dear diary, is the story of the event which conducted me to side along with the person I hated the most…And that I still hate… 

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This is not a very good translation I know…I have to improve…

Do you want the next chapter? So review, please!!


	2. The decision: first part

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Author's note: Here the second chapter!! Sorry for the long wait!!

Disclaimer: The characters belongs to JK Rowling.

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**The decision : first part :**

_'I have never understood,_

_How the people I love the most,_

_Just because of me,_

Are always in danger…' 

'Darkness…

Screams and cries…

Blood…

Dead…

My friends dead…

All of them…

And I was the only one alive…'

I woke up with a start. It gave me a few minutes before I realized all that was just a nightmare. The same nightmare I had these last days…

I would begin my seven year at Hogwarts. Since the rise of Voldemort, fear and darkness rule over the world…Even the Muggles can feel that something is going on…People are only living with the hope they would see the next day…The papers are only speaking of the deceases, it was rather depressing…And my hate to Voldemort was just growing every day…

Moreover, I couldn't make one move without the supervision of somebody...Why were they all protecting me and not the other?!

Because I am Harry Potter.

I was under supervision all the day, I had lost my freedom…

I wanted to go help, to fight against Voldemort too…I didn't wish to spend all my life shut in…

There were some days, where I was seriously thinking to put an end to my life to stop all this…What was the meaning of living so? Would that be what my parents wanted?

But I didn't have the strength to kill myself.

Worse, I had an horrible feeling, that everybody close to me was ready to give their lives for mine…

One day, what I feared the most happened…

I was at Ron's house with Hermione. We were talking about the late events, when suddenly, I don't know by the means of what (we should ask Voldemort), Hermione and me were enshrouded in a sort of mist which sent us straight before Voldemort.

"Why is the Mudblood with him"asked Voldemort his tone like ice, to one of his Deatheaters.

"I…I don't know, Master…A mistake, I think…" said the Deatheater, his voice shaking.

"Well, there will be one death more then" observed Voldemort with a neutral voice. "I will deal with her later…"

He looked at me, his crimson eyes filled with greed. Neither Hermione, nor myself, had ours wands to protect ourselves. It wouldn't have really help us, though…

I was going to die this time…Surely…

I waited in vain a miracle, a help dropped from the sky…

Hermione was watching the scene in terror. Why was she there, with me?!

Because of that, she was going to die, just after me…

Despite the fear I suffered, I looked at Voldemort straight in the eyes. If I had to die, I didn't want to die trying to hide. Voldemort rise his wand, ready to cast the spell.

I closed my eyes.

"Avada Kedavra !"

Contrary to all expectations, hearing the first syllables of the curse, without thinking, Hermione threw herself in front of me…

A flash of green light.

She took it head-on. 

Hermione's eyelids shut down…Her body devoid of life slid slowly, as if it was tick over…And it was with a dull sound that she fell on the cold floor.

She sacrificed herself…

She…was…dead…

No! NO! I refused to believe that!! Hermione couldn't be dead!! She couldn't! Why ?! Why ?!

Why are we always depriving me of the things which are irreplaceable to me?

Why are we breaking everything that are cherished to me?

Never will I forgive you!! Voldemort…

Tears were slowly rolling down my cheeks, but I didn't pay attention to that. I was shaking Hermione's body, in hope that she would wake up.

But never again would she wake up.

As well as I will never hear again the sound of her voice, or else I will never see again her look or her smile…

Her body was as cold as ice.

Death has come too early…Hermione, so young, so alive…

It hurt. It hurt so much that I wished I was dead. I heard someone scream. But I realized that it was me who was screaming. Me who express my pain…

Only a few seconds elapsed, but I had the impression that it was for an eternity. 

Voldemort was contemplating this, as it was a…a distraction.

My hate had no end. 

I looked at Voldemort in the eyes.

Red eyes against green eyes.

Foe against foe.

If looks could kill, Voldemort would have been dead…

One more time, I don't know how, I changed of place. Voldemort and his Deatheaters were not there anymore. I was holding Hermione's body in my hands. I suppose I have apparated without knowing how doing so… 

I laid my friend's body on the ground, and I cried…I don't know how long I stood there…I had completely lost consciousness of time… 

"Harry Potter…", said Voldemort's voice.

I turned around quickly. Nobody was here, though. Did I dream? 

"You're hearing me because of the scar which are connecting us", said the voice going on.

It was becoming better and better, now I could hear Voldemort without seeing him?! I said nothing, I wasn't really in the mood speaking with him.

"Tell me Harry…, the of his voice had changed. You wouldn't like one of your friends in danger, would you?"

Why was he telling that?! Wasn't it enough for him to take the life from Hermione?!

What did he want to do to me again?

"Leave me!" I shouted, though nobody was there.

A few birds flied away, frightened.

"Listen to me, Harry. It's very simple. Join me, and you have nothing to fear for your friends."

"Never! I yelled. Never will I join you !! Never!"

"My dear Harry, you are doomed to ally me. You will just end up like me. Think about my offer…"

Voldemort laughed. A laugh, cold and cruel, showing that he knew that he has control over the situation.

I felt that he went away from my spirit at last. I will never join him. Never…I couldn't think longer, I was already falling in a deep sleep…

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Well, was it well written? I hope so! Reviews, please!

Thanks to: 

Shelter: Thank you!! I hope you'll like this chapter as well!

Nero: Really? Wow! I'm really glad that you think so! I will try to ask someone to correct the grammar.

Elektra: I agree with you! But Harry is so sweet like this! I like better the dark Harry fics, though…Well, I'll try to get a beta reader. Thanks for the detail! I have rectify it!


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